Hello world.

It's been ages since my last post and I for one am not particularly proud of the fact that once I was an avid blogger, and now it is but a memory of the past. What can I say? I've been busy.

Allow me to pull all of you up to speed to my current endeavors for the year 2013.
Earlier this year I started my training in Silka Maytower Hotel. I will dedicate a blog post especially for that memorable period of my life. I only have oh so many good things to say about that place and I do wish to shed some light on it soon. Currently, I am a customer service executive at a company which I will not disclose for safety reasons. Yes, you don't need to be an A-Lister to have psychos or stalkers prey on you. I am still pretty much a hopeless romantic and maybe I will do posts on reviews for make up. (Seeing that I  can finally afford to buy and splurge on my own expense.)

Goals for this year? Simple.
Upgrade my phone.
Challenge myself.
Maybe (or Finally) find the strength I need to get in shape.
and well.. Survive.

Not too impressive but this is coming from a girl who has herself squished everyday in the monorail. I'll dedicate a post especially for the monorail rides as well.

Until then, hold on to your panties. (Terminator voice) I'll be back.
~xoxo,moumou~

Unhearted.

And so what started as a lonely night,
Became one that was full of hope.
She dressed to kill with eyes that gleamed,
on her face murder she wrote.

There he was covered in the dark,
her heart skipped a beat.
With goggles for eyes and brain going dead,
it was then their lips did meet.

The world went round and they both fell down,
into a predicted regret.
When the lights came on; they should have known,
their lips should have never met.

What was close is now apart;
broken down to pieces.
Her heart was there, but his were not,
another one of her hit and misses.

And so now the two are left to play,
a silly game of what was there?
Neither knowing what to do,
or who did truly care.

She stood up and brushed it off;
pretending that is wasn't she,
who took a plunge into the abyss,
where she cared more than he.

Another came and showed her things,
things she wished to have seen,
the things that she wished the other had done,
and the things that could have been.

Two pieces of what was her heart now lies with each;
two pieces of her heart that wont seem to agree.
One says stay the other says go,
but to whom, we'll never know.

So here she'll lie awaiting her death,
one that must swiftly come.
"Its better for an unbeating heart", she thought
rather than a broken one.

~xoxo,moumou~

Bye June, Hello July.

June went by painfully fast. Days just flew by and all I can remember was struggling.

Struggling to meet a deadline, struggling for tests, struggling to fight off all urges to binge, struggling to be a better person day by day and well yeah you get it. Everyday was a struggle.

Initially all I wanted to do was rant about my struggles in June, but truth be told I actually am grateful for a lot of the things that occurred in June. Everything wasn't so bad once most of the chaos died down a little.

And then everything became chaotic. Again.

Still grateful though for without those unfortunate events, no lesson would've been learned.

This blog is useless, it has no thesis statement, it has no body but what I can give is a conclusion.

July better start looking up or else I foresee a repetition of 2011.

~xoxo,moumou~

Bodyrockers in the house tonight.

Oh it has been too long since my last post. And I have yet to update anything on my life. I have yet to report back on when I went for the CFP in Blue Mountains and etc etc. But you see, I have a life outside of the internet. So, its hard to juggle two huge things at once. I'm already multi-tasking as it is!

So I was Whatsapp-ing with my friend Wun the other night and we were talking about this website www.bodyrock.tv . She expressed her interest in this workout website and so me, being the curious cat that I am, decided "what the hell, wont hurt viewing it". And so, I did.

Lo and behold, it appealed to me almost instantly. The background of the website was a picture of one of the trainers, Lisa-Marie (you can find her in FB under Lisa-Marie Bodyrock I think), and as the name of the website goes...Her body was rocking. Like seriously.

And the testimonies that were given by real people and the pictures shared really motivated me and got me thinking, "hey, if these people can why cant i?". After all, I am not handicapped neither am I suffering from any form of illness. Why can't I trim up?

I have been trying to shape up through various ways. I've been hitting the gym as hard as my body can take, even started the dreadful evening jogs months back and still trying to stick to it, monitored my food intake as to not excessively consuming unnecessary food and such. Although I went into high gear trying to shed these fats, it was slow and rather demotivating. Still trying to stay positive though!

Note to all, I didn't stop eating meat to lose weight. It was to mourn over the loss of my puppy. Some might think that is stupid, believe me..I was there before. But after the experience of bringing one into the world, tending to it and all that shebang, it kinda sorta really hurt a lot when someone ran over my dear dear Chubby. Not a day goes by where I don't remember you, my love! *cries a little*

So back to my main point, bodyrock. (Hehe sorry, I have mild ADD.)

As I was browsing through the website and checking out their workout videos, which at first, looked damn easy but I attempted one, you can find it under Flat belly in 7 days bodyrock in youtube, and damn was it hard. But regardless, I must be able to do this soon!

I also stumbled upon their 30 days challenge and guess whos thinking about doing it?????

Thats right.

ME.

So, stay tuned for progress reports. And being the lazy person that I am, I will try to be as consistent as possible in reporting my progress. Byeeeee!!

~xoxo,moumou~

Temporary Insanity

The sound of the hallow bells ringing,
Indicating that you remembered me.
A rush of joy and content eludes my heart,
Hoping for more but always getting less.

~xoxo,moumou~

Run for cover.

You just can't imagine what looking at this photo does to my insides. It's like the hard wall I built around my heart is caving inwards and soon will be left with nothing but a rubble of despair.


Okay fine, a simpler way to put it is; I want this for myself.


No, not having an old man kissing my cheek. That's just weird. Well it wouldn't be if it were my late grandfather whom I have never met. 


I want this kind of love. The one that lasts till you're old and grey. The kind that has decades of memories encompassed into one relationship. 


I want to like the person I'm in love with or at least have that longing. The longing of wanting to grow old together. Someone who I know will be there til the world comes down.


I know I've said previously that I would minimize my rants on love, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to keep herself sane. 


I can't remember the last time I missed someone or have thought of someone with such a longing.


I miss that. *sigh*

~xoxo,moumou~

Needs/Wants.

I want food,
I want world peace,
I want the cure for cancer,
I want the abuse against animals to stop,
I want child abuse to stop,
I want Malaysia to be ruled by leaders who aren't selfish self-centered egoistic bastards,
I want Sabah to get richer from the natural resources that are being stolen,
I want to hit the jackpot so I wont have to worry about money,
I want to be skinny so I could fit into size 2 dresses,
I want Sheldon Cooper from big bang theory to be my best friend,
I want a guy who could appreciate me,
I want my parents to live healthy and forever,

want want want want want want.

Are wants needs though?

I need sleep, but I'm typing this out right now.
I need to quit smoking, but I still light up once in a while.
I need to study harder and smarter, but I still leave it to the last minute.
I need to take action on my beliefs, but here I sit on my ass ranting out on a blog entry.

Human beings are made to be resistant, I was told once by a very lousy lecturer. That was the
only smart thing she has ever said.

There is no conclusion to this unstructured post.

And frankly, I don't care.

~xoxo,moumou~

Insignificantly important.

It's no big deal. You're not a big deal. But I want you anyway.

~xoxo,moumou~

Change.

The only constant is change.

I remember my cousin, Gerard, used to find that phrase very fascinating due to its contradicting meaning individually as words.

But...

Change is inevitable. That's the only way human beings can ever better themselves. And hopefully for me, 10 weeks from now, I will be the same person but in a different body.

See you in 10 weeks. :)

~xoxo,moumou~

Hand-me-down heart.

Have mercy on me.
Be kind to my battered heart.

~xoxo,moumou~

Moderation.

There are things in life that need to be done in moderation.

Like;

Talking when you have nothing good to day.

Laughing at pointless things because you can.

Eating excessively.

Ice-cream.

And the list goes on. Endlessly.


BUT;

I am not one to do things in moderation. I overdo things and I do it all excessively. I don't know how to reign this beast within. And for those out there who face this similar "problem", the stigma most moderate people in society would use to define us, shouldn't be ashamed of this.

It's because we behave this way that most people in our circles are impacted and we are remembered. Bad or good, you still leave an impression. It baffles me how most of us tend to shrink ourselves down just so others may not feel bothered or annoyed or overwhelmed by our presence.

Live your life how you want to live it. Cliched words of advice but its usually those simple one liners which we may always find hard to follow.

Good day to you.

~xoxo,moumou~

The Bicycle Boy.

Today, as I drove comfortably in my car, I watched a little boy paddle his bicycle up a slight hill. He looked like he was barely 9 years old, dressed in shabby clothing and mismatched slippers. Mind you, I was driving rather slowly, captivated by this random everyday happening.

All of a sudden, he must have bumped on something for the next thing I knew, he fell of his bike face first on the ground. At that very moment, I felt like stopping the car and getting out to give some assistance to this little boy. But instead I stayed in the comfort of my car, watching him get back up and continued paddling.

I watched him paddle and paddle from the review mirror, and somehow this little incident moved my heart. I had a rather sheltered and comfortable childhood. Never having to go anywhere without the comfort of being driven in a car by my parents or older siblings.

I then wondered how many more children in KK had to endure the same fate as this bicycle boy. If he did it for leisure, then all I can say is he better be more careful whilst riding his bicycle by a busy roadside. But if he did it only because he couldn't have the same comforts as I did as a child, then my heart goes out to him and those like him.

And then I found myself walking back to my car after meeting up with friends. Two little boys were talking in front of me about which kind of security men did they like the most, the ones who wear blue or those who wore white. They talked about how they aspired to be like them one day when they're older. Cutest. Conversation. Ever.

I then said a silent prayer, hoping that my prayers would be answered seeing that is it Lent, and asked God if he could somehow show enough mercy to these children who are deprived of love and attention from those who brought them into this world.

To present to them opportunities to get themselves a better life. To help them realize that their worth more than whatever the society and the naysayers say they do. To be brave enough to dream big and to want more for themselves but at the same time realizing the worth of hard work and determination.

I'm lucky to have had the guidance of my father, who never stopped believing in me and who still believes I could be more than what I am now. I'm lucky to have a mother who nags at me every time I slack or do not reach my full potential. I'm lucky to have siblings to keep me grounded and level-headed. I'm lucky to be surrounded by hard-working friends that inspire me to dream big and work harder.

But luck is defined as a force that brings good fortune, so instead I am actually blessed.

Enjoy the little things in life, for it is those exact things that shape our lives.

Good day to you, friend.

~xoxo,moumou~

Taking It As It Is.

There was always a reason on why I threaded carefully through certain things in life. This was one of them.

I've done this before and I've done it again. And now I'm left with a playlist of songs that can soothe the ache within. These days, I couldn't even stand the sound of my own thoughts. This tragedy(I'd like to think of it as one) has plagued my emotions and left me feeling hollow.

Thank you for all that I'm feeling by the way, for through this bitter experience I know I am alive.

~xoxo,moumou~

All sigh-ed out.

You know, you could say so much about someone without realizing how ugly it makes you feel. Gossip. It's fun when you do it in the comfort of your close friends or family. It's fun when you barely know the person and just feel like channeling all your frustrations onto someone. And it's especially fun when you don't like that individual.

I draw a fine line on gossiping based on factual/non-factual information and degrading someone just to feel better about your own short-comings. Yes, I am one to speak considering I make fun of people's horrible grammar but the FACT is that it is horrible and its genuinely mind-fucking.

I know I've said many things about many people and I know my words have probably reached their ears. Truly, I am sorry for being immature and less thoughtful about the outcomes of my actions.

BUT the things is, gossiping is done in the comfort of your CLOSE friends and family. The reason we do so is because we know that the collateral damage would be minimal and the chances of the said individual finding out is low.

When the trust is breached, how does one believe in you again? They don't. They'll never trust you, they'll never confide in you and they sure as hell won't include you in anything ever again. So before you decide to break someone's already fragile trust, you might want to consider where you stand in this whole thing.

These days, I have found that no matter how you try to talk sense into someone or help them find their way back to something, if they don't meet you halfway....there's no use in doing so. I apparently have wasted half my life covering a good for nothing's back and having her have my back wasn't the smartest choice either. I walked out of this relationship with a dozen cleavers stuck on my back. And yes, it hurts.

So the next time you wonder why I no longer am able to look at you in the eyes or if I turn away, it's probably because you have inflicted the highest multitude of pain anyone has ever inflicted unto me. I am a good friend but I am the worst enemy you could ever ask for. Good riddance.

Perspective.

I'd like to think that turning 21 has opened my eyes to see things in a different light. I'd like to assume that aging one year could dramatically help me realize the bigger picture in life. Well, I'm not there yet but I'm almost half-way there.

I'd also like to think that people reading this are wondering why did I delete 212 blog posts(and not even backing up any of it). Well, for those who are honestly curious and wish to keep up with my life; I deleted it for I couldn't bear having a constant reminder of how petty and shallow-minded I was. Was. I wonder if I should say was or am. Potato Tomato.

All I could think about right now is to pull my grades up. And hopefully I'd be able to hit the 3.8 cgpa. When will I be the girl who makes it into the dean's list? I need to show for something while I still can. I want to be successful in life and not cruise through life depending on my parents or on anyone. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet without crutches but most importantly...I want to give back to my parents what they have given to me.

I couldn't give them life, but I can give them a good life. It would only be a fraction of what they have given me but it's better than nothing.

I'd like to be there for my friends more. Lately, I couldn't balance my studies and my friends but hopefully by next semester I could balance it out. I love my family, I love my friends and I need to succeed. I'm always there for my family and I need to make more time for my friends. Most of my most memorable days were spent with them. *sigh* Memories~ All alone in the moonlight~

I'd also like to provide for my brothers one day. To give them the best in life and the tools to succeed.
I'd like to help the world one day, starting with the people closest to me.

If it's not obvious enough, I'm afraid to leave the world without leaving a mark.

Yes, I'm a little left to center but I believe that makes me who I am today.

Now to touch a topic which will be rarely mentioned (I promise you) in this renewed blog, is love. It took me this long to realize that my wrong choices in love has maimed my life and goals. So now, instead of having it control me, I will control it. The past people I've loved and lost, loved and was never loved back or loved and let go; has made me stronger. Smarter. Wiser. Careful. Especially careful.

When going down the road of loneliness and insecurity, I thought I didn't deserve a lot of things and settled for people below me. Never again. The next man I am ever going to give my heart to is going to work hard to fit into my life, he has to be at par with me or better. Even if he is better, he will never make me feel small. And I REFUSE TO SETTLE FOR ANYONE WHO EXPECTS ME TO MAKE MYSELF SMALLER JUST SO HE DOES NOT FEEL EMASCULATED. So what if I'm difficult? If a man ever tells me again that I am difficult, he's just probably had too many sluts before meeting a proper girl. RAWR!

So much demands out of life but I am a girl. I am allowed to be this way. If you have read up to this paragraph, thank you for sticking it out.

Till the next time, take care, make a difference, and be safe.

~xoxo,moumou~